Guest Blog (Single, Black Feminist.)
Single, Black Feminist.
Ok, so before I go into details about my love life I have to contextualize how I got here. I grew up on the South Side of Chicago, where my mother and father created early feminist fundamentals inside of my little feminist heart. My mother only allowed us to play with Black Barbie dolls. My father was a Black Panther and bought me, my first book illustrating the accomplishments of Black women. My father even showed us how to change a tire. We were unconventional. At the age of nine I even swore off the color pink because I didn’t like its negative connection to femininity and power. I was a serious child. So I was always passionate about gender and sexuality studies as well as the liberation of oppressed communities. So over the years I’ve kind of developed a stronger standpoint on my own values and politics. I am problematic just like everybody else, but have you ever been on a date and just cringed when the person said, “Yea, y’all females be too emotional!” Couple of red flags here.
We as a society have been so conditioned to view women as weak because of their natural abilities to birth children and men as more powerful because of a long history of patriarchy and blah, blah, blah. This means that when I’m on dates, I have to hold my tongue in order to appease my date. I even have to sometimes abandon my own logic to not be seen as the angry Black woman. Because I’ve literally been on dates that have turned into intense arguments about whether Gabby Douglas should change her hairstyle. I’m absolutely fed up. I’ve discovered that through this dating struggle, I was meeting a lot of people whose views out right offended me and the experiences of other women.
I’m always dating though. So I don’t have a problem finding dates, It’s just actually finding someone who I don’t hate. I guess I can be considered a serious dater. I go on at least one date a week. That’s 52 dates a year. Who has that kind of time to invest in awkward first dates and un-replied texts? I just want to know from you readers, what I should do to bypass bad people without wrongfully categorizing anybody? How do I successfully find a partner who cares about my personhood without me having to abandon my own feminist values? Are we in a generation where it’s too difficult to have political labels and date as a millennial?
What do I do? What compromises are too much?