Ok so I am going to be super transparent. There are times when I get jealous of my friends. My timeline is full of blissful weddings, cute, drooling babies, degrees conferred, houses purchased, crowdfunding goals exceeded, successful business launches,exotic travel, I mean people are out here giving me ‘life envy’. When that happens it’s usually followed with a lot of shame. How dare I feel anything but happiness for someone I call my friend? It’s one of those not-so-great feelings that show up post-grad and I would always beat myself up for it. Now, I handle envy/jealousy with a few tactics that have proven to be effective.
Get off Social Media. Your friend’s proposal was atop the Eiffel tower after her now fiance surprised her with a Parisian poodle. Her ring is amazingly beautiful and her eyebrows are perfectly arched. Instead of being happy someone’s found love you search for every flaw, the shellac on her left pinky is slightly cracked. Who goes to Paris?! So cliche. That’s jealousy boo. Get yourself together real quick, stop trolling her page! If you can’t feel giddy for your friend it’s best you remove yourself until you can genuinely say something nice.
Think about it. Do you even want a house, for real? Or are you jealous because they got a house? Sometimes when people achieve their goals jealously is your response to being reminded that you aren’t achieving your goals. So it’s not even that 5-bedroom 7-bathroom, 15-car-garage house they just built from the ground that has you in your emotions. Go get your list of goals out and make some action plans to get shit done. Now you are inspired, motivated not envious. :)
Consider the cost. That trip to Dubai was glamorous...but did you know they ate the free crackers by the soup at work everyday to pay for that trip? Or worse, they maxed out every credit card to get featured on the many Black travel Instagram feeds. The point I am making is, there was some sacrifice or work behind the scenes that a picture or a snap won’t show you. You don’t know what people are going through or settling for to get that ring, that house, that trip, that promotion and it may not be a price you are willing to pay so just applaud them and keep it moving.
Lastly, stay in your lane. Looking at so-and-so’s life won’t get you any closer to the one you desire for yourself. Throwing shade doesn’t make their light any dimmer either so you might as well keep the shade to yourself. Just look at what you’ve got and what you want to accomplish. Stay in your lane and run your race, you’ll look up (momentarily) and you’ve made more strides than you did looking around you.
Overall, try not to go the shame route. Jealousy, like every emotion, can be controlled if you make the decision to control it. Social media provides more fuel to the fire too, everyone curates their feed with 90% highlights. Struggle posts don’t get likes, duh! Remember that when you find yourself being jealous and transform that negative energy into something constructive. Get invigorated to achieve your personal and professional goals so you can flex on the gram if you want.
Allanté is an engineer turned educator and entrepreneur. A proud Detroit native, Allanté currently serves as Supervisor of the McNair Scholars Program at Wayne State University. She received her Bachelor degree in Biological Engineering from North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University and her Masters in Agricultural & Biological Engineering from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Her passion for teaching and research has led her to pursue a Ph.D. in Chemical Engineering with plans to start Fall 2017.